Over the recent weeks I can’t believe my luck. Usually something good happens, and it’s good. and it is left at that. What has happened recently, in the past weeks, is like a 100 good things. I am worried. Why!?!?!?!
Because I’m clearly in the line for some shit-hardcore bad luck.
I’ve been across america, we got all our connections and trains. I didn’t run out of money nor did I get robbed. (or frauded). I didn’t get stood up by friends who I was meeting, and it wasnt akward with those friends who I planned 2 meet, when it easily could have been. The hostels were all good too. No cockroaches or bad people. I got home on time, definately on the right plane this time.. and my mom picked me up from Heathrow.
I even missed a deadline, and got a second chance to submit something.
Before my trip, I was asked to do a ‘commission’ that should be published in a real book. I got accepted for the Liverpool Biennial associated art newspaper about regeneration funded by the Arts Council and was asked to do some posters for an event. Furthering this, I worked at the art gallery in NYC and I made some friends for life. When I went to visit them all again this month, it was great.
So what’s next? The article I need to submit on Monday is pretty much a crock of shit. Im waiting for my tutor to read through it. I wrote it at 2-5am jet lagged and exhausted. Ive tried to re-read it and alter it but now I’ve jaded my mind with how shit I am and how shit this is… and I cant seem to do anything with it. I should just re-write it, but I actually have no idea how to structure it. The whole article I was never given a brief for, it was alll very ague thus the deadline misssing. But whatever right?#
A friend said to me, yo Smizz stop trippin’ about these invisible expectations that you think your tutor has… and exceed your own. Which was like, wow. But then I realised. I have no expectations of myself?!!! I’ve already surpassed them ages ago – like going to college…. without my foundation.. and passing first year… and working in NYC and setting up StreetForm etc etc. I would have never ever ever thought that I would have done this if you asked me 2 years ago. 3 and half years previous to this, i didnt even know that university was an option or even existed. if that sounds crazy to you, then try going 2 North Doncaster Technology College.
What are my expectations of myself? I need 2 start 2 re-evaluate.