Things we learn from ghetto movies…

So you guys know that i’m not going to be blogging for about 4 months (like whats new anyways?!) because of camp and travelling afterwards. Anyways since im a specialist in arts and crafts and teachin the hard inner city kids i thought best get up 2 date with what the movie world tells me. Here how its going2 happen.

I arrive, I get homesick. attempt 2 make friends. Make little friends. Dont get enough sleep.

Kids arrive, They have never seen the countryside before. I am touched at this sentiment. But because they are inner city kids they wont listen. they try showing off. they even try and push me or the weak kid into the lake. I know that art can inspire them. So to be able 2 connect with them first : –
I write down some 2pac lyrics. they listen for a milli second and then be like arts no good for people like us
so i teach them graffiti
i get told off for teachin them graffiti
we start to write our own poems n stuff together. i get them 2 keep a journal.
i ask the camp director to take them on a field trip 2 the movies.
They respect that.
one of them dies which means they are all touched and then magically they see they have 2 get out of a shitty life situation and education might be the way forward and art could be the means. so i have a lil artist camper crew going on.

Yeah thats what the movie’s always teach us. I best get up to scratch with my 2pac lyrics and graffiti drawing.

So you might know that this once, this time last year, excluded girlie is again working with kids- one ina poor undeveloped still pretty much wollowing the loss of Pit’s from 2 decades ago and the other with American Kids. But today, I’m going to be talking about the UK Pit kids.
So last Thursday myself, Phoebe and Xanthe went to teach 2 year 9 classes in a throw-back 80’s community. yes the kids were somewhat racist, yes they thought they were funny and they werent (but kezwilla would have lapped it up) and of course yes they we’re all like the stereotype of the boy on the movie Kez
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just jokes…. some of them weren’t.

Anyways the women who has pretty much organised this gave us a lift bizack 2 somewhat an idea of 21st century realism (a welcome back to nasty 2000’s) and i headed back to Woodlands Ghetto whilst Feebs and Xanth went bizack to sheffield (i had a dentist check-up appointment on friday) Okay so whats my point?

Before the bus ride home, I was in the bathroom and came across this little sticker:
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Crazy right?! And I don’t just mean how far apart that guy’s head is from the rest of his body. And I don’t mean the positioning of that guy’s arm (although it is a bit scandalous if you ask me). I’m talking about how it’s telling me how to pee! I see that, and I feel like I’m back in the Wild West and the little jackass is challenging to a duel at high noon.

I hear a voice in my head and it says: “Hey you! you need someone in here to watch you pee!! ” but that was just wrong. and so is that sign.. yes.

On another inspection, it actually looks like a guy has to aim his pee at the person sitting down . sic sick sick doncasterians.

random is as random does…

Okay, so this post is a bit random – get used 2 it cuz it’s probably going to be happening for a while. And by “for a while” I mean “until the next time”. But I’ll try and write with a bit more focus next week. Here goes:

1. I’m writing a script for my sitcom (thats partly Drews aswell). It’s funny in my head, and slightly funny on paper, so I’m sure by the time I get to the finished product it will lose funniness altogether. It’s kinda like the movie Multiplicity, where Michael Keaton gets dumber with ever iteration. I’m also writing a screenplay but far more metaphorical and artistic about characters within my life. Yes you could be in it! however i am prone to exagrate so if this screen play ever becomes something in the future and you notice a character thats like you but completely exagrated – i ve warned you already.

2. I sent The New School of Design in New York an email about setting up an exchange link today. I haven’t heard anything. Fine, I haven’t heard anything yet. But hope fades with every passing hour and possibly day. It’s weird. I get these random bouts of self-confidence and courage and fall flat on my face every time. But hello! We talked about Catwoman! They were like: “We should have a movie marathon.” I don’t think I was being presumptuous by giving an email about gettin one of their students to swap with me in sheffield. Whatever. I’ll never get to an art college thats like Goldsmiths. oh yeah, they do exchange links with Glasglow and Wimblon school of art. Ask them for Sheffield Hallam and they are like hahahaar. No. My I remind you its sheff students that get oscars, make movies, feed the nation MTV crap and actually make semi decent, not self indulgent work. we also totally bum found objectss (but ignore that).

3.) I realised that I will be at Camp America when The Simpson Movie and HARRY Potter 5 comes out. I’m like we should take a field trip 2 the movie theatre? No? Its going 2 be weird ordering harry potter 7 book on amazon.com

4.) I also can’t wait for TV to be over for the Summer. That’s right, you heard me correctly. I need a break from television. I have too many commitments to my television and it all get’s too stressful. It doesn’t help matters that I’m still using VHS tapes instead of DVR or Utorrent. I have 3 episodes of Ugly Betty, and 1 episode of Grey’s Anatomy to catch up on. It’s ridiculous. Give me my Project Runway and leave me alone for the Summer, thank you very much. Speaking of which. ARGH Ugly betty is OVERRRR! WHat am i going to do now?! I feel like i know her so well lol.

5.) I own. I’ve booked my transportation to travel 15 states after camp USA. all Southern states pretty much. Whhoop whooop.!!

Toilets and other random shizzle

It seems half a lifetime since i’ve blogged.. obviously half a lifetime is an exagration (only about 2 months), however!
Since I blogged I have a Camp America placement – In the outskirts of Boston bordering New Hampshire. I can’t wait … I’m sure you will hear alot about it in these blogs in the near future – as im leaving in just under 4 weeks. For 4 months. However since i’m trying to avoid last minute work and drowned out the noise annoyances of spazz’s* (*meant in a funny un.p.c way) i’mmawrite some thoughts down that are obviously inter connected with my future travellingness!

Let’s begin with airplanes.

I am apprehensive about being in airplanes, but not neccesarily about flying and i’m not talking about the stupidity of customs and their questions (have you packed your bags yourself? – Yes?!- like a terrorist is going 2 be like, ” oh damn yes you got me!!”). This sounds counter-intuitive I know, but the one thing about airplanes that makes me nervous is the LOUD TOILET FLUSH.
It’s so loud and scary that I usually open the door and prepare my exit before I flush. Everytime I hear it, I jump a little
inside.
(I also make sure to empty my bladder pre-flight and avoid drinking too much during the flight but i love 2 take advantage of free coke.)

Anyhow, I’ve noticed that certain airlines have replaced their loud flushers with quieter (almost silent ones!).
And so this development has calmed my heart.
Last week, to my shock and horror i found some toilets at the campus some toilets that have the loud flusher. The flusher that sounds like it is capable and likely to suck your body into it. The flusher that is so loud you wonder if it’s liable to make you deaf.

It may be time to wear headphones in the bathroom….

Another thought is These days, every time I’m buying something in Sainsbury’s or ASDA and I see some soap product that is now sold in foam form, I’m all over it. It’s in my cart and I’m heading towards the checkout.

Face Wash, Hand Soap, Body Wash…anything…I’m down. When I go to restaurant bathrooms or any public bathroom, I cross my fingers and hope that their soap dispenses a pile of light, fluffy foam (which isn’t often in the UK but moreso in the USA).
It’s the simple things that make my day. Last night, lying in bed, snuggling up to my vibrating heating pad, I started
pondering where my love of foam began….

… It never came to me.

Spring Is Here…

Well if any of you that are familiar with my previous blog you will notice that I always have a blog that about spring wayyyy too late. So we turned the clocks forward and we lost an hour of sleep that I genuinely need. But with Spring this means it’s time to get out of the house and see the world!
Here’s Smizz’s guide to getting out of the Winter Hibernation routine!
Stage One: Don’t Panic
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Natural light… get it off me! That light in your face is completely normal. It’s called “The Sun”. It’s going to be a little weird at first. The sunlight takes some getting used to.
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Before long you will realise that its good for you! (well not if you burn) and you will being to remember when you used to wear tee shirts without a jumper if you are really lucky.

Step 2: Enjoying Nature
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Turn off all those electrical appliances go out and enjoy nature! God didn’t intelligently design nature just for you to sit around watching Golden Girls or TopGear reruns all day!……………
………..But not until after rigorously searching through the TV guide to make sure you have at least a half an hour of time available to spend away from the TV. It’s a Golden Palace marathon instead. Perfect! Now’s your chance to enjoy nature!

Richie’s quote of the week…

Richie: How come you don’t eat baby chickens?
Myself and Ella: What?
Richie: Cuz people eat baby sheep, lamb, and calfs and …
EllA: You don’t eat piglet.
Richie: Yes I do
Ella and me: Ewww, nasty
Richie: well what ever, anyways yes lamb, calf, fish, piglet… but not baby chickens
Ella: KFC?
Me; errrr eggs?
Richie: Egg’s aren’t babies… Its Chicken Periods!!

Ugly Betty

I’m at uni right now; and a girl walked past me the other day and was really nice and friendly and said, “hey!” Not because she felt like she had to; but because she wanted to. So naturally because there was geniune sincerity within her voice this girl has stood out in my mind.
And because I have noticed her; i’ve been begining to see her all over… And because I’ve begun to see her all over.. it has dawned on me.

She looks like the white British, sheffield version of Ugly Betty!
I’ll get a photo if i dare sneak one….

Blog Change

We are going to change what I write about since I can’t maintain this blog ingeneral. So it’s going to be daily interviles of what i’ve heard that day; weird encounters or my friends quoes. it also could be the normal stuff like art exhibitions, pictures; film reviews or just rants but i think it will be predominately the former thing. so enjoy!
— – – — – – – — — – – — ->> This is Smizz’s stages of sadness that I have noticed living in the Wesley House and in life ingeneral. Check it.
“Wow, that really makes me feel sad.” This is a line uttered by many a sad person, and after this is said, or thought, said sad person deals with their said sadness in their own sad way. So now I present you with, the ways to deal with sad feelings.

Stage One: Crashing
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“I hate me. I have no soul.”
Directly after being insulted, etc, people’s first response is to crash. To become a complete shell of a person, and to become prone to lying when on tables

Stage Two: Rage
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“WHERE THE HELL IS MY CHAPSTICK!!!! FUCK!”
After being a soul-less shell, I quickly move to the next stage of sadness: rage. Even a simple task such as finding a chapstick, or tying to find a quote (As to why I’m freaking out over lots of paper, I don’t know), becomes a huge ordeal, driving me to the brink of insanity before…

Stage Three: Nervous Breakdown
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“OH…MY…GOD….”
The breakdown stage can be easily identified by spotting El Smizz rocking gently Prefably in a dark corner (however there are no corners spare in my room), accompanied with slightly random yelling.

Stage Four: Excessive Drinking
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“I LOVE EVERYONE!”
After the first three very pathetic and melancholy-ish stages, the drunken stage of sadness is welcomed by your friends. During this stage, You can become excessively clingy or excessively anti social. Normally this would annoy friends and family, but it’s a happy time for everyone after the first three really terrible stages.

Stage Five: Becoming Hysterical
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE CHOCOLATE CHIP!?”
After I sober up a bit, I realize again how miserable I am, and become hysterical, a stage that includes crazy paper ripping as shown above.

Stage Six: Becoming a Poet
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“Violets are blue….you suck…”
Realizing my terrible habits, and the true Absurdist way of life, I slip into a poetry phase. Or turn EMO.. either way. If you turn EMO you can only muster the words of life is hell as your title on Myspace.

Stage Seven: Becoming an Art Lover
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“This painting symbolizes so much of what I’m feeling right now…”
Still in a very creative phase, I next become an art critic.

Stage Nine: Promiscuous Sex to up my Self-Esteem
“Wow! I’m a winner!”
After the art and creative impulses start to fade away, I begin feeling down again. At this point, I begin to have promiscuous sex to make me feel better about myself. And wow! It works!*

* = it is important to note that this is just all laughz! Sarah Smizz is not responsible for the above – everything is based on fictional characters and just a mockery of teenage angst.

Do The Time Warp

So I am assuming that you have all read the post of my frustration when my bike got stolen? Oui? If not, I will give you a quick update. It got stolen in Sheffield, locked up – I returned 2 find it actually not there at 12:30am – in the rain with no waterproof clothing. Oh yeah on my belated birthday celebration-izzle!
So yeah. I went home, am still home, this weekend after alot of 2 hours persuation last weekend from my mom on the phone. So that’s all groovey. And I thought because my Grandad whom is abit of a tramp – and could be pretty much a contemporary artist as he collects anything he see’s worth anything. So he has alotof junky bikes. (bikes classed as junk not bikes on drugs or bikes that belong to drug addicts – just 2 clarify that right there)
Now here’s were it gets ultra personal – aka interesting for gossip queens.
My Grandad belongs to my fathers side of the family and although I bare no beef with my grandad or my granny – once I hit puberty (having spent virtually every Sunday with my Granny or sleeping over at her place in the holidays /weekends) my attendence at her place slowly, or rather rapidly declined. Not mentioning that she also was rapidily loosing her mind/memory (same thing really) Then when Kev left it was the icing on the cake really (Kev’s my father in formal terms) and I never saw my Granny again till I was walking to work( at that time it was at the Wacky Warehouse) and she was waving at me; but couldn’t remember who exactly I was.
So anyways – A huge part of my childhood is based in that exact house – and I means a HUGE PART. a part I have completely forgotten or ignored till now.
I went to see if I could get a bike- So unsure of whether I should have gone staight in like I used to or knock was the first task. I decided to knock – after all it had been years – – – This was literally like a scene of a coming of age movie -scrap that – its exactly like A guide to recognising your saints movie. which is a coming of age movie, really.
I went in – after my Uncle who took sometime to remember who I was let me in. And damn. Not a thing. And I mean not a thing had changed. The same carpets; furnitures; wallpaper and pictures plastering the room. The same dirty kettle- Even a drawing I did what could have only been at least 8 years ago. All the same.
I ventured into the front room where i would spend hours watching the rap my granny liked to watch. On the wall was that cliche picture of men sat eating lunch on scafolding in NY. MAYbe thats were I’ve got my obsession of NY from?
Everything was in place – exactly – like she had set it up exactly like 5 years earlier. There were even cans of cheap hairspray that you would get from the “Gills” store at the “Topshops”.
To put it bluntly – It was like an installtion. No shizzle. Mane.

If I’ve experienced that from like 6 years departing – and only living in Sheffield… what’s it going to be like in the future when I am really trying to make it all around here and there?
Scary stuff.

bUT It has opened a whole box of memories which I was so quick to forget but now they certainly seem sentimentalised. watch this blog space right here.

Oh yea I got a personal invitation to Damien Hirsts exhibition opening on Tuesday. Biaaaaaaaaaatch!

The Wesley House top10 most watched things on TV

the things10) Retro old programmes from the 70’s/80’s – for example Columbo or Murder she wrote or even the A Team. You never watched them or even liked them as a kid… so why bother now?
9) America’s Next Top Model. It’s a tough one.
8) The Dogs on Bravo (some random hardmental family who call themselves “the Dogs” go and arrest people.
7) America’s best videos also on Bravo, seems 2 be pretty much the same thing
6) Ray Mears – The worlds most boring man
5) Football
4) Some random black demographic/abc show that everyone secretly likes but doesnt say. It seems to be on for no reason.
3) The Simpsons
2) Hollyoaks
1)Top Gear – Jeremy Clarkson is a complete TWAT!

Here’s my fav TV shows ever.

10) Scooby Doo
9) The Simpsons
8) House (new)
7) Blackbooks
6) Family Guy
5) The Office
4) Sex and the city
3) Extras – ricky gervais rocks
2)Teachers
1) Ugly Betty (New addition/at present) Its got everything I like in, for example, easily 2 relate 2 characters with ambition and feeling + new york!

So as you can see, there are hardly any over laps – this is why I have to watch my kick ass better programs mostly on my laptop.