places I was never meant to be anyhow….

this idea was inspired by chinaka hodge, who was inspired by the actual book:
places I was never meant to be anyhow..

-Angelou, Maya: “still singin’, ‘cuz ya’ll motherfuckers won’t lift this goddamned cage.”
-Baldwin, James: “I’m so glad I’m not openly gay now.”
-Bradbury, Ray: “give agatha Christie my poop-infested regards.”
-Carrol, Lewis: “I believe r Kelly is a ringtone in your junior high.”
-Chomsky, Naom: “and they say the white man is invincible.”
-De Sade, Marquis: “it’s all moving and cumming on the internet.”
-Faulkner, William: “Louisiana is inherently controversial, governor.”
-Fitzgerald, F. Scott: “your beliefs are decadent.”
-Flaubert, Gustav: “I’m French. all my shit becomes classic.”
-Frank, Anne: “next they’ll be banning puppies from puppy town.”
-Franklin, Benjamin: “your welcome, ingrates.”
-Golding, William: “wait a minute. I hear my Oscars calling.”
-Hawthorne, Nathaniel: “it’s not like they even read me.”
-Heller, Joseph: “you go fight a war and try to write perfumed chapters afterwards.”
-Hemingway, Ernest: “I’d punch you in your guts if you had any.”
-Huxley, Aldous: “i’ve sent my response via CGI.”
-Joyce, James: “if you’d like to starve, be my guest.”
-King, Stephen: “what? for carrie? firestarter? for b movies kids see on Halloween?”
-Kundera, Milan: “if you don’t get the hat, you obviously aren’t literate.”
-Lawrence, D.H.: “I’m sleepy. go away.”
-Lewis, Sinclair: “wrap your precious filet mignon in bacon and top it with béarnaise, for all I care.”
-Machiavelli, Niccolo: “who is this tupac, and what is a stock market?”
-Marquez, Gabriel Garcia: “but the bible stays?”
-Maugham, Somerset: “thanks for giving me more reasons.”
-Miller, Arthur: “you should know these definitions by now.”
-Miller, Henry: “what’s really underneath your appliqué sweater?”
-Nin, Anais: “how can you, with the football team’s dicks in your mouth?”
-O’Neill, Eugene: “try something new, you’re boring me.”
-Orwell, George: “I predicted all of this shit.”
-Plath, Sylvia: “eh. suit yourself.”
-Pound, Ezra: “please wheel me to civilization.”
-Rice, Anne: “graphic like the inconsistencies in your textbooks?”
-Rushdie, Salman: “I survived death threats, motherfucker! what?!”
-Salinger, J.D.: “accurate portrayals no longer in vogue?”
-Sartre, Jean-Paul: (French words making you feel stupid, because you are.)
-Shakespeare, William: “let me take back those words you be usin’ in your everyday speech, then.”
-Shaw, George Bernard: “your god would tell you to do this.”
-Sinclair, Upton: “more than inconvenient, am I?”
-Stein, Gertrude: “I’m gonna shove this pussy so far up your ass…”
-Steinbeck, John: “‘america,’ just sounds like a tourist attraction these days.”
-Tolkien, J.R.R.: “have you seen my ancillary income?”
-Tolstoy, Lev: “you are weak.”
-Twain, Mark: “I had suspicions, but no confirmations, until now. you are, in fact, a douche bag.”
-Vidal, Gore: “hypocrites.”
-Vonnegut, Kurt: “excuse me. I made, ‘wear sunscreen.’ famous.”
-Walker, Alice: “what’s next? slavery?”
-Whitman, Walt: “it’s your summer blockbusters what should be banned.”

Smizz’s face is so greasey part 2

the select few of you who were familar with my previous blog will remember part 1. For all those who aren’t …!2F9E2A3744373609!2355.trak
and here is part 2 to pick up from that resolutions post.
My face is so greasy.
My face is so greasy…
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It freezes in the cold and local school children make my face into a snowWOman
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Santa Claus uses my face to grease up the chimneys so he can slide down easier.
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It wasn’t a miracle that kept the candle burning for eight nights. It was the oils from my face.

Holla! :oP

Viva La Resolutions

So yes, it is the end and the start of a New Year.

What will 2007 have in store for me? Perhaps an exhibition opening? excessively great results for my first year? Money — LOVE? F-A-M-E????

But most importantly, what are your “New Years resolutions”?

Here are mine – shall we see if i can stick to these?

1) Don’t worry – be happy!

2) Save my money. DONT buy anymore clothes. wait for New York again.

3) cut down on the coca-cola.

4) Bike it most places in Sheffield.

5) Take EVERY opportunity given

6) Keep up with this blog and have something worthwhile and or funny  2 say!

I have this amazing talent also if I write something down it tends to come true. So here’s my wishes!

I wish I wish I wish for…….

1) To get AMAZING/Great results on my course

2) Hopefully start getting my work noticed by the right people!!

3) I become an amazing photographer- none of that amature looking photography

4) Go to New York again march timey

5) Get that exchange with someone in San Fransisco

6) Hope mom’s happy

7) I become really fit with biking everywhere and allll that! Cut down on food- as it will cut the cost of my bills

8) I realllllly hope our magazine Toa$tar gets published excessively well and is succesful around sheffield —-

thank you very much now!

one thing I am GOING to do by the 5th of Jan is write up my lecture notes and all the exhibitions i have seen since september ( thats a fucking huge amount) for uni. and then write about my photo’s and artists. damn. Its going to be a hard week.

anyways I am going to post something amusing next so keep it locked 2 smizzle!