Today I go to the Big Sur: A place I never thought I’d ever get to. Mainly because I can’t drive – and how else would I get there. The hotels are expensive and there’s no public transport that goes close. But I’ve ALWAYS wanted to go here, even for a few hours. Just to see it. I want to see the purple sand, I want to climb across the cliff tops. Feel real. Go to that place that Jack Kerouac writes about, that the kid in Into The Wild runs aways to.
I hope it’s as beautiful as i think it will be. And even if it’s not. I don’t care. I got there.
In less than a weeks time, my dream trip will be over. I will be on a plane going home to confirm whether I really do have Lymphoma, or hopefully something less dramatic.
And yet, here I am, I’ve never felt so alive (despite, you know, feeling yucky still). I got to spend the summer on an island in the middle of a beautiful lake in New Hampshire doing arty stuff, spent lots of time in Boston with friends, reconnecting with old friends on the road, and make new friends along the way. I don’t think I’ve laughed as constantly as much as I have done in years. I just saw the sun set and rise above the clouds, on the beach, on the road, over the Grand Canyon, in the dessert, on the Mississippi, over skylines and rooftops and the clearest night skies in the world. I visited Napa, Santa Cruz, Monterey and soon the Big Sur for the first time, and ticked things off the bucketlist which I had no idea were on there. Ate the freshest fruits, the greatest foods. I’ve just seen 18 states in one roadtrip. I take a flight back to the East Coast tomorrow, where my friend is going to pick me up at 1am in the morning at JFK to take me back to New England to spend time with more of my friends – for just 2 nights -and see the real beginning of the foliage and drive me back to NYC to spend my last days in USA with my new-york-adopted family.
It took me a potential life-threatening “unifying diagnosis” for me to see just how loved I am. And how grateful I am just to be loved. Dear friends, I am humbled and grateful for your support and your love. I’m not a lovey-dovey type – My street-cool-edge-britishness doesn’t allow such a thing. But I know i don’t say it enough. But i love you all.
Whatever the outcome: Here’s to living life, how it should be lived – minute by minute.Happiness only exists when shared.