i did this reflections piece for #class and in it, i said that I was bitter.
i was given advise of that i need to stop being bitter by my previous professor, michael corris, saying that i need to forget what was – and concentrate on what will be. and what is right now. i didn’t think it was bitterness until a few months ago.
i said in my new years resolutions that i would try and concentrate on what is and will be. but its difficult doing that with such baggage that i have. because the problems of the past still linger in the shadows. it is exactly this baggage which makes me bitter.
i see everyone else getting the respect that they deserve – (not everyone…. exaggeration there!) but a lot of folks. i have worked from the god-damn bottom up yo! i’ve been homeless, i’ve helped my mom back to health from cancer – and my family is a superrrrrr small unit – it’s me, my mom and my younger bro, i’ve never got ANY financial support from family for college, travel and the internships that i’ve done, i work many part time jobs, lived below the poverty line for much of my life, and i have the WORST credit check you can think of. and it’s fine because everything i do, i do in my own terms.
and i always feel like i dont deserve to be at college. i should be working. it’s all about the work ethic in my family. i constantly feel inadequate, you know, because i grew up very uncultured, poor education and thus i’m not as smart as your normal kid. but i’ve still come along way. so i get paranoid that everyone knows i’m stupid.
And then i see people (people i don’t know & people i do know) who live off parents trust funds, and shit like that. have this luxurious life of being able to rest on their morals in their parents basement – painting or whatever – without having to work a job, and just waiting for their career to blossom.
Now i’m not saying they dont deserve it or that they dont work as hard. this would be untrue.
I just have this bitterness that no one really appericates what i do ya know. and i’m young – but i don’t think this will change. i think no one will know who the fuck sarah smizz is. or if they do, they’ll be like- taht stupid 12 year old looking kids from the UK. I’ve come along way people. imagine what i could be if i had come from a nice comfortable semi culture life? yeaaaaaah.
I’m just saying, i think hard work should be respected just as much as reinventing the wheel.
now i’ve got that off my chest. I can go back to trying not to be bitter.
LIVE EVERY WEEK LIKE ITS SHARK WEEK. word