today, especially as i grabbed my chicken roll sandwich and bananna, as I left the house in a rush only making sure that I had my Matta-Clark essay book (which, so far isn’t as good as I thought it would be… still time 2 change) on my way to work at the Bookies, i was more aware than usual that I miss NYC.
It could be something to do with the message from my hommie Erin, or the browsing of my other friends who are all still in NY pictures on Facebook. Or maybe it’s because I saw some Omer Fast’s work and was left with that great feeling that I got when I worked at Postmasters. The wondering of what everyone else is up to over there, as I do a job which to be honest isn’t as bad as I’m making it out to be. My managers are ace, they’re just cool down to earth guys, but the job itself is shit-boring and I’m have a guilty feeling towards it. You know, people with addictions and stuff. How I am apart of the infrastructure that helps maintain the status quo by fending on the poverty stricken working class who are fatalistic and wish upon lucky horses. Make their 10 quid for the kids shopping try and turn into 100 quid, but oh no. That’s gone.
Anyways, my point is I’m struggling to find my existence at the moment. I’m bored, I’m somewhat lonely not being with people.. with my friends… I’m reading but not making and this is making me frustrated (although I’ve started something! which im pleased with). i feel like the elderly on my i-pod.
all i sit and do at work when i have a minute, when i’m not reading … is work out how much money i’m going to get, how much will be going over to the USA with me and all that. IT’s a poor existence to get up, work out that you’re working fulltime hours for shit money in something you’re not interested in and dont make that many friends, and when you get home your knackered. You either just write a blog, write some emails or chat on the phone 2 get some sanity. Dream about how u can make the best of your day off… and the day starts again.
Anyways. all this is making me nostalgic of my NYC work experience and real life living.It’s only been under 3 weeks since i’ve been back but it seems years away or even fictionary. unreal. I want it again. And i’m obsessing over it.