Essay writing: The stages of.

So with one essay looming for me to get my feedback/mark back before I can really start to plan/write my first draft of my dissertation, i’m doing some research, as if the essay had a good idea. (The essay was llike a tester ground).Other than that, I’m not doing much. And it dawned on me…. There are some stages to essay writing (this should not be used for writing dissertation thesis’s )

1. Enthusiasm.
I am ALWAYS really pumped when I think about how awesome my topic for a paper is. “Conceptual art and existentialism?! The Conceptual artists of the 70 are a bunch of crazy mother fuckers! They were AMAZING! This is going to be great!” You get excited, you are going to learn, it’s going to be…awesome. Your topic is way cooler than TopShop Sophie’s essay on how to use google, (for real, she does contemporary management). But Conceptual artists, these guy’s have got class!
2. Indifference.
“It’s not due for, what, two weeks? Yeah, who cares.”
After about an hour, you kind of forget about how awesome that topic is, because there’s a PARTY on at someones house or, it’s all you can eat indian buffet night or something. The Conceptual artists of the 70’s doesn’t get you drunk with beer(despite i don’t drink)or fills you up with cheap food, they gets you drunk with KNOWLEDGE! And that’s just not what you are looking for on a Friday night!
3. Panic.
“Oh Shit! It’s due in two days!”
You forgot that it was due, so now you’re panicking. But it’s not like you actually do anything to further your progress. You just go “well…fuck…” Because that’s what’s productive at the time, and also, there’s another buffet, movie and party on and a new Ugly Betty and wow, you have not vacuumed your room in FOREVER!
4. Laying down the law…on yourself.
You spread out your research, you tell yourself you are going to do it, and you buckle down with some sticky notes. But there’s nothing really productive going on, there’s lots of organizing information, but you aren’t writing anything. And you’re actually just putting sticky notes on your articles because they are damn fun and you are bored out of your ever-loving mind.
5. Misery.
You are never going to get this done. You feel it. It’s eating away at your insides and you have given up. It’s over. You lay down on top of your papers and moan. We’ve all been there…it will be okay. You get on facebook and complain about your paper. You call your friend and complain about it. The paper is destroying you, and so you decide to say “No!” to that destruction, and bitch slap that paper…later…
6. Acceptance…
“I have to do this, it won’t be that bad if I just concentrate.”
You decide that it’s just a paper, and you are smart enough to beat it. You are going to bend that paper over a trash can in Central Park and have your way with it. You are capable, and you will emerge victorious! So, you realign your notes, and close your doors, and turn on uplifting music (for example Journey – Don’t Stop Believing).
Richie’s TOP Tip: Lock yourself in your room with food and drink supplies. Therefore you don’t have to leave. Make sure that its more calories than you need. I got my first First for a paper by having 3,000 calories in Pringles, but that was okay because I had Diet Coke to even it out.

7. Completion!
“I win! Fuck you, ART! Fuck you!” (I didn’t mean that art, we’re still good hommies right?)
It’s six in the morning, and you are done. There’s no point in sleeping, there’s class soon and you have to hand it in, so you enjoy the house being quiet and no one fighting since the housemates are in a war. You decide that you are an awesome person. You pick out what to wear that day, and hell! you take a shower while no one has used up the hot water! You look out of your window to watch that beautiful sun rise in the streets of Sheffield, and then… oh… shit… there’s a bum in your yard, so you wave and walk back inside to see if there’s a Fraiser marathon on channel 4 or something, because you have at LEAST three days until your next essay paper is due!
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