The rules to contemporary art world- ruff draft.

What makes contemporary art sell? What gets you that gallery? What makes you famous? Contemporary Art as Dialogue has all the answers here. Need a First in your Art Degree? Need that gallery proposal acceptance. Forget trying to give meaning to our consumeristic lives; stop trying to kill the false being inside and really, you gotta stop with those ideals of helping the start of the Spiritual Revolution. Be serious for a moment. This is the answer to you artists that are crowding the artscene. We’re like the DaDarists…. and Art&Language but better… no that’s just jokes… But arrogance gets you everywhere too!

so 1) Making big statements like the above, we love that. *

  1. Must be a painter.
  2. Your work must include birds and/or ladders.
  3. Your name must be of foreign decent – pref Eastern Europe – Sarah Smizz just doesn’t cut it!
  4. Must apply your middle name because it makes you sound more important. If you don’t have one, make it up.
  5. Statement must be rhetoric and contradictory.
  6. Artists must own the “art glasses”. If you don’t own any, you can get a pair from H&M (we have.)
  7. Must not have a price tagg in the gallery, but a seperate sheet of prices already pre decided that you have to ask the gallery assistant for.
  8. Must be Neo-Formalism (Yes, and be a painter – deny your roots for money)
  9. Must have a degree from a London Art School – who pays attention to students from Huddersfield or Sheffield with Art Degree’s?
  10. Must be middle class- no working class scum allowed – if we could – we’d stop likes of us even entering the gallery. Forget the greats were all working class, it’s not relevant.
  11. You must have a foreign (guest) curator who is an art writer/critic – but not necessarily a curator.
  12. Curation must be so bad, that it is actually justified.
  13. Your gallery, if wanting to sell your work, but have a heavy metal door and big buzzer to enter.
  14. In the gallery setting, a Mac computer must be insight.
  15. Your leaflets must be photocopied- as that’s all the art students pay attention too for log book modules.
  16. At your exhibition openin, everyone must be in formal wear- wearing what we in the industry call, ” Art Suits”
  17. Must have some French in your artist’s statement.
  18. Accept to do a talk about your work – and read from a sheet – do not have any presentational skills at all.
  19. Accept to do a talk about your work – but talk about something completely irrelavent. Don’t talk about themes that your work follows or even refer to your work at all.
  20. Never, ever consider putting your work in a different more stimulating environment other than the white gallery cube. If you fail to do this, then your work will be frowned upon. how can it be taken seriously if it doesn’t fit the marketisation standards of the artworld?
  21. Take inspiration off your lecturers at college that you looked up to, and basically plagerise what they do in their practice and deny any influence of them. No one will question it.

* This is just all jokes. Or is it? Always be rhetoric. Empty the potentionality of your work thrugh the agency of the institution.

Published by smizz

Artist → Re-evaluating life→ Rad Oncology graduate + public health worker→ @lab4living PhD-er → Want 2 make a positive difference → Rule-Breaker → LIVE DRAWZ! → councillor! → Loves cities → rides fixie → adventures → wanna be ramen master → <3 Tokyo + NYC

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