It’s that time of year again, where I get to plan how I am going to fall into that middle class lifestyle of being footloose and travelling. Where I get away from everything. Escape stuff. Since as long as I can remember, I’ve longed to be 18 to travel alone, or with friends, to foreign lands. The student over draft provides a backdrop which allows me to do such stuff. Like last year.
When I say middle class- it’s what they all do isn’t it? They go off to try and give their life meaning or make themselves sound more interesting on daddy’s dollar funds.
For me though, being working class through and through, [instead of my mom giving me cash to travel – she owes me cash!] I fund it all myself. I live my life from a strong moral code – not like in a religious way. I just try to manage my cash – this month I haven’t been very good at it [ i bought some clothes and books which threw me off my usual 10-20 a week budget] – My Moral code sometimes makes me pass a judgemental look to friends with things I don’t agree with – but it’s all about living. The things I pass judgement over, are things that I have experienced in negative ways.
But regardless of this I’m not just planning this summer travel, but for when I graduate. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. The more I read…. the more it makes me really want to just go. Now this, of course, is an excessively selfish act. Not that anyone would notice I was gone… except maybe Horseboy, as I promised Horseboy [my younger bro] that i’m going to get us out of the Donx, and live comfortably and gooood. But how to do that? The more I make art, the more I get rejected by institutions… the more it makes me think I can’t create a career out of this. Is that what they want us to think? I know I shouldn’t take all this stuff so seriously, as it is indeed too serious to be taken seriously! It’s easier for people who have parents who can fund their next move, or have a nice homelife to go back to not take it seriously. (Don’t get me wrong; I have a right laugh doing what I am doing now.) Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness… give me truth. And how do you get that?
But I also think that careers are a 20th century invention and I don’t want one. I look to my previous teachers and lecturers and think what an amazing job and life they must have. Such a noble existence, creating and molding the future artists and genius’s and even just the next people who will serve people; but they made a difference. And that is all I have ever wanted to do. But i don’t want to go straight into teaching. I don’t want to be stuck in an institution for the whole of my life, so it seems like the next logical step is to travel and come back with experience and then teach. But I can’t lecture unless I’m a practicing artist… and you can be a practicing artist but you gotta be good at it. But of course, it’s never a waste of time trying, indeed.
So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun….