places I was never meant to be anyhow….

this idea was inspired by chinaka hodge, who was inspired by the actual book:
places I was never meant to be anyhow..

-Angelou, Maya: “still singin’, ‘cuz ya’ll motherfuckers won’t lift this goddamned cage.”
-Baldwin, James: “I’m so glad I’m not openly gay now.”
-Bradbury, Ray: “give agatha Christie my poop-infested regards.”
-Carrol, Lewis: “I believe r Kelly is a ringtone in your junior high.”
-Chomsky, Naom: “and they say the white man is invincible.”
-De Sade, Marquis: “it’s all moving and cumming on the internet.”
-Faulkner, William: “Louisiana is inherently controversial, governor.”
-Fitzgerald, F. Scott: “your beliefs are decadent.”
-Flaubert, Gustav: “I’m French. all my shit becomes classic.”
-Frank, Anne: “next they’ll be banning puppies from puppy town.”
-Franklin, Benjamin: “your welcome, ingrates.”
-Golding, William: “wait a minute. I hear my Oscars calling.”
-Hawthorne, Nathaniel: “it’s not like they even read me.”
-Heller, Joseph: “you go fight a war and try to write perfumed chapters afterwards.”
-Hemingway, Ernest: “I’d punch you in your guts if you had any.”
-Huxley, Aldous: “i’ve sent my response via CGI.”
-Joyce, James: “if you’d like to starve, be my guest.”
-King, Stephen: “what? for carrie? firestarter? for b movies kids see on Halloween?”
-Kundera, Milan: “if you don’t get the hat, you obviously aren’t literate.”
-Lawrence, D.H.: “I’m sleepy. go away.”
-Lewis, Sinclair: “wrap your precious filet mignon in bacon and top it with béarnaise, for all I care.”
-Machiavelli, Niccolo: “who is this tupac, and what is a stock market?”
-Marquez, Gabriel Garcia: “but the bible stays?”
-Maugham, Somerset: “thanks for giving me more reasons.”
-Miller, Arthur: “you should know these definitions by now.”
-Miller, Henry: “what’s really underneath your appliqué sweater?”
-Nin, Anais: “how can you, with the football team’s dicks in your mouth?”
-O’Neill, Eugene: “try something new, you’re boring me.”
-Orwell, George: “I predicted all of this shit.”
-Plath, Sylvia: “eh. suit yourself.”
-Pound, Ezra: “please wheel me to civilization.”
-Rice, Anne: “graphic like the inconsistencies in your textbooks?”
-Rushdie, Salman: “I survived death threats, motherfucker! what?!”
-Salinger, J.D.: “accurate portrayals no longer in vogue?”
-Sartre, Jean-Paul: (French words making you feel stupid, because you are.)
-Shakespeare, William: “let me take back those words you be usin’ in your everyday speech, then.”
-Shaw, George Bernard: “your god would tell you to do this.”
-Sinclair, Upton: “more than inconvenient, am I?”
-Stein, Gertrude: “I’m gonna shove this pussy so far up your ass…”
-Steinbeck, John: “‘america,’ just sounds like a tourist attraction these days.”
-Tolkien, J.R.R.: “have you seen my ancillary income?”
-Tolstoy, Lev: “you are weak.”
-Twain, Mark: “I had suspicions, but no confirmations, until now. you are, in fact, a douche bag.”
-Vidal, Gore: “hypocrites.”
-Vonnegut, Kurt: “excuse me. I made, ‘wear sunscreen.’ famous.”
-Walker, Alice: “what’s next? slavery?”
-Whitman, Walt: “it’s your summer blockbusters what should be banned.”

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