YES, E’s!!

Not as in

Methylenedioxymethamphetamine

The drug. But as in

EXCITEMENT

EXISTENCE

EXHILIRATION

ENTERPRISE (Adventure)

I am going out of my mind in boredom. I use to be able to work without a studio. But I need a base, if only mentally. I can’t sit at home because that’s the worst, so I go into uni begging 3rd years for me to help them. They’re all pretty self sufficient. So what have I done in the past week in my freedom? (It’s been one whole week of freedom).

Well, I’ve read alot of blogs. Especially ones that linked to Williamsburg, Brooklyn USA. And looked for arty ones. I’ve watched practically ALL of my DVD again for whatever tim, been to the movies loads of times!. Ive watched practically all the seasons of Sex and the City in prep. for the movie.

 I have read shit loads of books. The collection of classics by Jack London; Ad Reinhardt - Michael Corris and Revolution! : the explosion of world cinema in the 60s - Peter Cowie.

Currently I am half way through reading: “The Complete guide to standard script formats” to start writing my film. (properly). And The Revolution of everyday life -  Raoul Vaneigem.  This is just one weeks reading and I never did any over the weekend.

Never have I had the time to read and read good, except when I was excluded - and then I had the internet to distract me (which we don’t here in Sheffoat home). I’m trying to educate myself. And read into the areas for my practice. Although, admittly, half of those books aren’t really involved with my practice.

But I bum a lil’ bit of Ad Reinhardt now. I didn’t know that he was a working class artist. That’s awesome. I don’t want to draw parrells with a world amazing and talented and intellectual artist (AKA one of the best painters of all time). But I couldn’t help but notice shit loads of similarities between myself and Ad. (With the except of academic accreditation (although I was top of my school in Alevels and GCSEs and got onto 5 5 fine art courses without my foundation)/ intellectual and good art). But you know; working class - involved with the university; politically engaged - with left winged politics - well versed with Marxism - drew cartoons that started to go all abstracty and then slowly led onto the geometry of the black paintings.

Now take the lattar away. And who do you have?!

That’s right, a Smizz. Fascinating stuff. What is even more facinating, however, is why there are no pictures in the book. I heard that there was some copyright issues. What’s that all about?!! It’s like the the Political Art Documentation / Distribution collection in the MoMA. It’s been archieved for a reason, yet unless I am researcher, I can’t email to ask permission to access their library in Queens. That’s insulting. The irony continues….

 I’m glad I read that book now. I’ve seen Corris do 2 talks on the research of this project and he calles them the “The Difficult Freedom of Ad Reinhardt.”

The Difficult Freedom of an artist/writer/educator etc. What does it mean in todays society to not be able to access collections held away by big named institutions and estates for educational and scholary reasons? Learning and education should be a gift that is free, and anything that helps with it - should be at least accessible to everyone.

All my life I’ve had to totally fight and go way out of my way to get opportunities to help learn/educate myself. I worked 3 jobs in 6th form and saved all my EMA so I could go to New York City to see my first world class museum. The MoMA. 3 jobs so I could afford books that we didn’t have at school, so I could see movies at the Showroom in Sheffield. I didn’t know this existed till one of my Ex boyfriends took me. The middle classer ;o). I’m going off on one again.

My point is, Greed // Cencorship = cover ups everywhere. I haven’t got this far to still be denied access to other learning elements/ ‘public’ archieves etc. Ya heard!?

Anyways, this whole post was supposed to be how nostalgic I feel from last year. I was looking at my pictures from Monument Valley, Vegas, New Orleans, Boston, NYC, Washington, Mexico, ZION, gRAND cANYON, uTAH, L.A., Albama  and even Texas. And just how I wish I was doing all that again. Ahhhhhh. Sure this year is going to be different. We are doing Europe! And NYC for 6 weeks! But still. I need to be just living my existence. Not reading it.

Adventure here I want to come….

So one more deadline which is Tuesday - and it’s an essay. it would be foolish at this point 2 totally fuck my essay up and upset my freakin’ awesome average. 20 credits at 78 for Philosophy presentation; 80 credits at 69 for studio practice (with a hard 2 impress lecturer I might just add - andd it was fly postering) so the other 20 will be my essay.

It’s on how architecture effects the viewing of art from a philosophical angle. And it’s harder than anticipated. For example, I’m very much oh yes of course it does - look at kosuth, look at the new museum’s previous shit exhibition etc - but I’m not quite sure if I’ve gota  debate goin’ onnnn. And referencing is some hard shizzzz!

But I’ve got it all down (about 3,000 words)  except the conclusion and I need 2 tighten it up. Making points more specific and stuff. so it’s not too bad.

But 2moz I’m chillin in the day - I’ll work in the evening doing the work. I think Im going 2 the movies alllll day. Can’t wait. I’m also looking for a vacation for like 5 days before I go to NYC as my mom needs one.

And it’s gotta be one of those ‘beach vacations’ which i hate because I like to be doing stuff, but it’s all for my moms.

P.S. how kool is this Jay-Z remix of a Mariah Carey song Bye Bye http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arfDM9kRUz8

A fear that’s been circulating in my head lately, besides global avian flu pandemic and bad failure, has been privacy. not being certain who to share my life and experiences with. not that i have this egoistic idea that my life is circulated around the water thingy. i was recently reminded of an incident in which my hanging out with some people turned into a live journal entry. and then i realized my life could be public outside of my control. which made me uncomfortable.

Yeah, I know its world wide - and I like that I get loads of readers - thus why I try and post everyday to get more - yet it hinges me to think someone BIG someone who I know as a colleague or friend of a friend might have read this. It becomes so much more personal when it gets personal!

which makes me think all the time that bill murray was so right about fame and fortune. try fortune first. but maybe this fear is a hang up. a conservative view from an old man. maybe i need to sharpen with the times. recognize that every life is public on some level. realize that the public can be manipulated for my own gain. but i don’t have the energy. to be splashy in an attempt to spread the name, increase brand presence. another aspect of privacy that irks me is the tracking of my choices, particularly when it comes to purchases and destinations. i understand the positive of buying a ticket to an african american film, increasing the market for such endeavors, but i don’t like the idea of my buying expensive imported olives used as a tool to eradicate other items in the supermarket that are equally as vital. i have no example. anyone with a club card gets where this is going. or should. we are being assessed as to what our brains want on a level that is very smart, but begins to smell like a track. a slowly narrowing of choices, alterable only through riot. i just want to have a billion niche items at my fingertips.

and again, rambling without giving thought to what i’m trying to convey. perhaps i should keep a live journal, afterall, get all nitty n gritty with you. i SUGAR COAT most things.or buy sea world and set the whales free. i chose a pretty stupid thing to love doing, writing a blog when ever i’m bored, if i’m gonna be worried about privacy.
Enjoy your freedom people.
when the time comes i will unsettle these words to rise at all cost & at every risk to myself will i defend this judgment-your time is useless if thats what you make of it. the decission for risk doesnt have much time allotted. this is the “now” i speak of.

to Never hold back a mOment that you might regret stumbling Words with.

crafting words to rise common meaning within you is the simple part-complexing the idea so the select will understand the movement as a task-i’ve spent a weeks shorebound & i’ve felt the sand part beneath my feet & the sun color my skin-my inspiration dulled without a sense of time-i’ve become oxidized in the sense that i’ve been over exposed to a sharp oxygen/hydrogen molecule & as calming as it is-i find myself fitted against the tide now-the shoreline seems to receed as the white wash peeks at my feet.

here is where i fell-this is where land met water & i knew why.

i’ve only begin to hold on

what is it to have faith? The way to collect knowledge?

The only person who doesn’t have a Mac book is a philosopher. Wow.

All of our desire is for the past. A place and a time and where is the right place to host a host? Nobody knows death whilst death is the closest thing we can get to access our Being according to Heidegger because it gets rid of a the tedious nature that clogs our journey to finding it. There is a constant process of Being and not existing.

The moment that we grasp the present – it is gone.

Does time exist?

Does History exist?

Everything we do exists in time + in history. The story of death is absolutely fundamental. With death there is a birth. We look to Christianity for examples and the occurrence of Western Philosophy with the death of both of their creators – Jesus and Socrates.

We look to se7en for an amazing example of the gift of Death.

Now that is pure genius.