The uncharacteristic summery weather of the UK this week has been AMAZING.
Tuesday we had to hand in our essays meaning that we have officially finished Uni for a whole year. This year has gone by far too fast for my liking!
Before I know it, it’s going to be overrrr. Anyways I thought I just moan on this blog, lol. There are many positive aspects to my life that I fail to mention so here’s a somewhat typical over view of a week.

FRIDAY 2ND MAY

In a true socialite fashion, I pretend to be a middle classer of Sheffield and attend a ‘buzzing’ gallery opening at the prestigious Site Gallery. Those shades, don’t belong to me. The hat does. Mental note to ones self is to NOT wear a hat again to a gallery opening unless wanting to attract dirty looks.

The actual exhibition? was shit. It was a performance and one of the most mind numbing experiences of my artlife.  I wouldn’t have minded, however, if it wasn’t for Maurie Cool’s HUGE statements that by walking wayyyyyyy slow in a space, and playing around with some paper that she was re-creating the History of Art. How about just being bored in the work place? Now, that would have been funny.

SATURDAY

I didn’t get up till 1pm : I changed my essay typo’s and wrote my biblography in Colligate. Afterwards I went home and Top-Shop Sophie; Dancing Sophie; Richie and myself were in the house all together (doesn’t happen often). We decided to watch a movie! We watched Saved. We shared our food between us (I only had spring rolls from Tesco 2 offer). Afterwards we argued over what to watch next. I wanted to watch Brick; or Dark Days and amoungst other stuff - but the Girls and richie totally out voted me and we watched The Devil Wears Prada - Which I’ve seen before about 2 years ago… but in the first 15 minute of the movie (technically the most important part for the audience and in terms of character building) Michael Corris gets a mention. Richie and I automatically like lift our heads up - and we’re like… helll nahhh? Did that just say that?! And we decided that it had to be the real deal M.C. fo’ shizz. Who else is cool enough to have a party to attend?! Other than Mr. Corris. The Devil Wears Prada has gone up in my estimations. We decide that Corris should have a role in the new Sex and the City Movie. What do you think? They always have cool artists on the show.

In the night I have the FREAKEST Nightmare, in which I scream - I screamed loads, jumped out of bed and ran to turn the light on. Shake at the light inspecting all the room. Its always uneasy going back to sleep

SUNDAY:

 I didn’t get up till 1ish again. I checked my mail and hung out around the house for a bit. I started to watch Hardball until Richie disturbed the peace! He demanded me to walk to KFC with him. We bought a Family Feast to share between us; and he makes me carry it home because he doesn’t want the Sports students who litter the streets in bars to judge him. We get in, and Top-Shop Sophie wants to watcha  movie again - so we go to Blockbusters and buy Stardust (again, I’ve seen this before) and She buys the Simple Life 2. We watch Stardust and then the WHOLE series of Simple Life. My braincells are reduced to a mere 40% after the viewing of the Simple Life. I only watched it because I didn’t want to sit upstairs on my own. Whilst at Blockbusters,  I bought running with Sissors - I’ve read the book - so I watch the movie and go to bed at about 3:30am. Just as I’, settling down - I freak myself out again - and i scream once more and run and turn the lights on. This has to stop. So I sleep with the blind wide open (for light) and with radio 1xtra on.

MONDAY

Bank Holiday. I lay in bed till 2pm.  I get up. Go into town. Buy Fraiser season 1 on DVD, a real cool cd Kid Cerole - and a Jack London novel. ride my bike back. The Big Issue guy who stands outside Tescos says Hi- we’re becoming good friends - i dont have to buy them off him anymore for nice chats. I chill upstairs in my room reading my first novel in about half a year. It feels GREAT not 2 read an art book! Whilst listening 2 my new CD which is amazing. I sit outside on the wall with Ella , top-shop; dancing soph and richie. I drink Coke, they drink Wine. We annoy the street with Richie’s Ipod. It’s all goood - untill about 10pm and I decide to go and watch Fraiser.

TUESDAY

We hand in the essay. And waste the rest of the day in the Psalter Lane Resturant since I haven’t a clue what to do with my new found freedom. It gets to the point where its too late to go home and come back for the MA exhibition opening in the End Gallery. A piece of work has me in it; and I look AWFUL. It bares allllof double chins. I ain’t happy. I never knew it would be used as art! lol. After that Richie and I leave, meet James at the Agraa and we dine in style to celebrate our freedom and the journey!!  On our way back, Richie buys some DVDs. We watch The Host and the officially one of the worst movies of all time - It’s aBoy Girl thing.

WEDNESDAY

I rock and roll into uni to meet up with the group to prepare for our school on Thursday. We make a powerpoint; discuss artists and how we’re going to rock and roll. Afterwards, in boredom, we start planning our European extravagent trip! I go to my ” elitest meeting” announce how I think i’m black to academics and go home. Brendan and I treat ourselves to chips from the chip-shop. I watch some Fraiser, go to Colligiate to pass sometime. End up staying there chatting online to Feebo in Finland till 12:30am. Then Richie and I chat shit and I make the workshops worksheet I go to bed at 3am.

THURSDAY

I have ti get up at 7:00am. We all meet at the station. Brendan can’t make it cuz he smells of Whiskey lol. We have a laugh trying to figure out trains and buses to get to teh school and which stops to get off at.

We get there. we create magic we go home. Then I fall asleep at home at 3pm cuz I’m KNACKERED. and I get a phone call from Sianbohn saying PARTY. So I get up and its a streetparty. We chill out for 5 hours and rock and roll to the Fuzz club.

Today we had our FIRST ‘REAL’ school for StreetForm. I say “real” because it’s a school that approached us through reputation. However, the difference being that it was Primary school and not a secondary school. And you know what?

It was AWESOME. I’m not a fan of the 9/10 years olds. But these were pretty adorable - even for ghetto Smizz to admit. Too clingy - but you know - that’s how they are, aren’t they.

We were respected; enjoyed; and adored. I can see why people would prefer to teach primary school instead of secondary school - but I’m still not convinced. Secondary school teaching for me. I hope that they keep at the graffiti - they we’re all pretty shit hot at it for 9 year olds! And if it inspires them to do somethin ‘ in the future. we will have achieved our goals.

Trying to get to the school was ridiculas though; it really made me appericate how good our public transportation links are in the UK.!

Can’t wait to put the pictures up!

So, today I came clean about my heritage

In an encouraging message I got the other day, it said that they couldn’t think of nothing better than “someone like me” doing well. Which in all honesty made my day (or my month) because I respect this person in all totality. But then, in my born-into me skepticism… I was forced to wonder what “Someone like me” is. Who is someone like me? Is that stupid? Someone who tries but doesn’t quite get there. Someone working class etc.  It’s a typical Smizz thing to do to turn a possiitive into a negative. But It really has got me thinking.

Who is someone like me? For real.

We have these what I like to call ‘elitest’ meetings (makes me feel proper special - all Art&Language without the conceptual nature. ) There’s a select few of us who attend: 4 second years (including myself), 2 MA students, 1 first year and 1 Lecture/’Real’ Artist- out of office hours.

We have come to use the empty spaces that the Artworld, and its institutions such as Artschool running as a business, provides. How the plausibility of revolution, the classist view- the actual making and love of what we do as artists - is somewhat missing - in the marketisation of the gallerist and collectors etc.

We encouraged each of us to create a somewhat ‘virtual’ artist of what we would like to see in the artworld. Perhaps a projection on what we would like to be. Or create - or have in the future.

Mine came to me as a Colombian workin’ class kid, who was lucky enough to secure a scholarship at New York City Visual Arts under Kosuth (we can time travel) and they rented a place on the Lower Eastside and was part of the PAD/D movements. to put it in a nutshell.

Then I came out with it, when questioned. I’ve never openly admitted it; although we sometimes joke in passing judgements. But I’ve never EVER felt British/English or White.  I’m not sure where I fit; but i feel more black African American. mainly because of my upbringing.

Exploited, repressed, poverty stricken, culture fed by myself which is just movies, American sit-coms and hip-hop music. (That’s not me sayin - that’s what every Black African American does- because clearly it’s not. Nor am I suggesting I feel the pain of 2,000 years of slavery and still have racial abuse) but there are parrells in Working class society within a middle class structure. 

Growin’ up I struggled really hard to find out what suited me. Domestic violence; alcoholism; (there’s more) I know how to make a ketchup sandwich last all day.  I was bullied real bad in Junior school because I couldn’t afford Nike sneakers. And cuz I loved drawing. I’ve been classed as mentally retarded / having learning disabilities twice!!

Then in Highschool I turned all Chavvy in order to fit in. Shop lifted- gettin’ drunk in the park on White Lightening- becoming a DJ - attempted 2 make cool music videos - gettin’; int nightclubs before was necessary - didn’t try at school because it was the uncool thing to do. All the time I knew it wasn’t me. This ain’t who I am. But it’s what becomes of the majority of people where I come from. 

 this was all in about a year of hittin teen-dom. Then I got lucky - and a science teacher saw some potential in me, and got me off the dodgy road and helped me on the straight on. I feel honoured that I can pin point the moment. AND That some1 took a chance on “someone like me.”

That’s when I discovered graffiti - art - hip-hop- movies - Marxism- all this./ I educated myself. And everything felt right. I felt accepted. It felt like me. This was me. tHIS IS ME.

I ain’t denying my roots no more - I dunno where they are from - some are Irish; some are Polish the others i don’t know. But I know, I ain’t white. My culture and identity is fragmented from my oppressors who have stood before my ancestors before me.

And you know what, it felt good to say it out aloud- seriously. It sounds ridicolus. People think I put it on; but this is really how I have created myself from a young age and it feels right.

I’m startin’ to get real nervous with the living in Brooklyn, I live near Williamsburg - Which I’ve been once, and it was cool - but I didn’t stay long. I’m kinda scared that it will be amazingly lonely! But I’m hoping that I will meet people, and we’ll rock and roll. I want to try and get to see Chicago (my plan was Frisco but I looked up prices and the time it takes- and thought better not - I think I might try and see Frisco near Xmas this year). i’ve also got hommies in Boston that I need to check wid, so Boston will be on the agenda!

In terms of Politics in the UK. We’re gettin’ as bad as the US at this. What’s with Labour and that new tax? I’m like bitch, pleaseee! Who am I going to vote for now? I hate Conservatives but Labour are actin’ like them. And the Librals, well. And the REAL socialist party is awesome, but again they won’t get in. But what is more worrying, is the BNP seats suddenly.

These are lost confused times myfriends. We don’t need haters. I can’t understand peoples small mindedness sometimes. And clearly, the solutions are easier than people make them. The majority of what governments do, is just create scape-goats. What you need to do, is!

• Sort the state education system out. You’re using the 1988 Education Reform Act still, which was introduced by Thatcher. What does that sAy? ITS WRONG. Education is not a business. It’s a means to a way of socialising; learning; living and actually having fun. If you sorted the system out so that there were vocational subjects, or specialities  in every area. So no one would be left behind. Maths, and science and even art are not for everyone. The examinations at every level creates an anomie and a pressure. You ened to get elitesim out of the education systemn. Like middle class kids in top-sets just becuase their parents are head governers - they already have access to cultural capital. everything should be taken into account. There is an element in learning that is lost in the current ed. system. That being , actually learning. What we do is just “remember” material for exam papers, and after that passes. we forget. That is not learning my friends.

With learning will come a want; a need. A far more skilled and knowledgable work force. Tution fees NEED to be dropped to leave the platform of university more open to EVERYONE. I have friends that are more than able to go to uni; but they don’t wanna get in debt. And what’s even worse, I pay more money - but they still treat me like a statistic. I’m much more. We are much more. It’s freakin’ alienting. we tick boxes, but are we really learning? There needs to be a passion, which is somehwere lost in this sytem of being checked all the time.

• If you sort the education system out. Other things fall into place.

Lets start the revolution, yo. But it will be made from friendship; passion; love and a want for equality.

i FOUND THis ace blog today,.. you should check it http://www.yourfriendinthenorth.blogspot.com/ 

Now everythings pretty much out of the way.

I noticed for the first time, the trees a blooming, the grass is growing and the sun is finially shining. How have I not noticed the greenery?

This bank holiday weekend. I am watching movies and enjoying the sun, fo sheezy. It feels weird not having a 100 things to do. I do, however have a lesson 2 plan. yeah STREETFORM has a school on thursday! Fo Shizzle!

So one more deadline which is Tuesday - and it’s an essay. it would be foolish at this point 2 totally fuck my essay up and upset my freakin’ awesome average. 20 credits at 78 for Philosophy presentation; 80 credits at 69 for studio practice (with a hard 2 impress lecturer I might just add - andd it was fly postering) so the other 20 will be my essay.

It’s on how architecture effects the viewing of art from a philosophical angle. And it’s harder than anticipated. For example, I’m very much oh yes of course it does - look at kosuth, look at the new museum’s previous shit exhibition etc - but I’m not quite sure if I’ve gota  debate goin’ onnnn. And referencing is some hard shizzzz!

But I’ve got it all down (about 3,000 words)  except the conclusion and I need 2 tighten it up. Making points more specific and stuff. so it’s not too bad.

But 2moz I’m chillin in the day - I’ll work in the evening doing the work. I think Im going 2 the movies alllll day. Can’t wait. I’m also looking for a vacation for like 5 days before I go to NYC as my mom needs one.

And it’s gotta be one of those ‘beach vacations’ which i hate because I like to be doing stuff, but it’s all for my moms.

P.S. how kool is this Jay-Z remix of a Mariah Carey song Bye Bye http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arfDM9kRUz8

Sometimes, I’m so melodramatic. My assessment actually turned out wayyyyyyy better than I thought it would. So all that drama for nothing.

So now on to the mellowwww…

I’m at colligate library burning the midnight oils since I don’t have the internet - and I had to type up my list of galleries I’ve been to; just about to go home and write up my tutorial forms (like i’m supposed to do that after the tutorial - who does?) I’m pretty tired. I was up till 4:30am this morning. Doing the last bits to print and shizzle. What is done, is done. I can’t do anything more.

In the quiteness of the library -

I’ve realised I quite like deadlines.

I like the sound that they make as they ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooomM! Past!!

I can’t wait for this to be over; regardless of what I get - So I can stop being so serrrrrrrious!!

Rock on some fun blog posts!

This music Myspace page is pretty shit hot: http://www.myspace.com/mastershortie

I hate it. i do realise that

“CRITICISM
IS THE
CONTINUATION
OF CULTURE
BY OTHER
MEANS.”

And the irony of being ripped to shreds  (It hasn’t yet, but it will) in my assessment would be the validation the subject matter needs. Like that would make it ‘radical’ . It would be like when Hans Haacke got cancelled from the Guggenhiem in the 60’s. But Smizz got a shit mark for being critical and so on the mark with the current state of regeneration and gentrification of UK cities.  But I hate the waiting, the over fetishing of the work to suit those institutional boundaries which clogg the necessity of the work. I understand its a weakness of mine; trying to think creatively with WOWing tutors with something ‘radical/sophisticated’ because for me, it’s the meaning of the work. So yeah, why bind it in a book when it means nothing to do that? Ahh the hipocracy.

I’ve had 2 and half hours sleep since sunday. Rocccck On.

Today is amazing. It’s warm; there’s a warm breeze. Its one of those days you just wanna go to the park with a blanket with some friends and chill out.

Unfortunately, I can’t do that. We went to some art openings last night./ 7:30pm Friday  - 4:00am this morning. One hour turned into a mixture of some bad art (some good) and a real bad attempt at networking  to lets go for one drink - to getting chucked out of the bar - nasty nightout food - sianbon peeing outside some flats with the cops driving by - up 2 Sianbons house…. to then hittin’ that exhusted peek. And I don’t even drink!

So as a result today and tonight and 2mozzle I have to do my work and work till the early unsociable hours. I’ve got an award plan in hand though - when I finish my essay and other pieces of historical context etc - I’mma eat some Ben and Jerry’s ice cream [Kate bought me some back!]  as i’m really gettin’ grounded down - i wanna have fun but i’m exhusted having to be here, there and everywhere. (ice cream makes everything better ) I’ve got a cold now. so i’m poorly. I’m not down wid that. But I’ll eat the ice cream and imma watch Alvin and the Chipmunks. Yes I don’t have to be a pretensious artist allllllllllllll the time,. quite frankly its tiring being pretenscious. ;o)

So anyone who reads this, get yo ass outside and enjoy the sun - it only happens about once a month in Sheffield. :p